When a Man Hits a Woman Slam That Door Shut and Walk Away
By: tmhogirl (04 March 2009)
Last week we all saw appalling pictures of the R&B "umbrella" star Rihanna after an alleged attack by her boyfriend, the R&B star Chris Brown who has been booked by LAPD for these attacks. This week, People magazine report that Rihanna and Chris are back together.
So my question is, is it ever OK for a man to hit a woman or indeed for a woman to hit a man? Is it ever OK for a woman to stay with a man that hits her? I firmly say never, hell no, to both questions. If he hits you once, chances are, he will do it again. End it, full stop
Many of us have unfortunately at some point in our lives been in abusive relationships, be it mental or physical abuse, or known someone stuck in the often vicious cycle of being with an abusive partner. In fact, statistics from the domestic abuse charity Womensaid show that 1 in 4 women, at some point in their lives are victims of domestic violence.
Domestic violence is not restricted to the poor, the timid, the uneducated, people with a history of abusive behaviour in their childhood, or any other stuff we may read about. It happens to ordinary, educated, normal, confident women and men, all over the world.
Perhaps the first time they hit you, they got very remorseful, begged for forgiveness, cried, made grand romantic gestures of forgiveness, blamed it on drink, stress, the evil twin, anything, whatever. And then it happens again, and again, and again. The more it happens, the less the remorse and begging for forgiveness. Instead of being their fault, or some other external factor, it is now firmly your fault.
You made them do it. They hit you because you forgot to include the washing powder in the shopping list. Their shirt wasn't quite ironed to perfection. Their favourite rugby club lost a game and Scotland was knocked out of the Euro championship. Or maybe, they had gone out for drinks with their friends, come back drunk, dropped their wallet somewhere, and then accused you of hiding it in order to steal their money. Or any other shitty excuse for an inexcusable act.
Top reason to leave a man that beats you
You may leave on your own accord and seek help to rebuild your life and your dependence on the man, be it financial, emotional or otherwise, or you may always be carried out in a body bag, or find yourself facing a life in prison as your abuser is carried out in a body bag.
On average, 2 women a week are killed by a current or past partner. Do not become a statistics.
If you are a victim of domestic violence and what to talk to someone who could help you break the cycle of violence, there are a few charities that could help. These include:
Stamp out domestic violence full stop
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Comments on this post:
"Great post. If he hits you once, he will do it again - I couldn't agree more! Abuse could be mental abuse, and sometimes this is even worse than physical abuse."
summer (04 March 2009)
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"Any man who hits a woman loses the right to be called a man. This is never ever right. 2 women a week die in domestic violence? Shocking statistics. Great post"
andys (04 March 2009)
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""You may leave on your own accord or ...be carried out in a body bag" That says it all! No woman should ever stay with a man that abuses her, life is too short!"
london1 (04 March 2009)
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"I couldn't agree more with your post or the comments here. Rihanna should be a role model for other women and get rid of that man, if he can call himself a man. Like Andy says, no real man would hit a woman, no matter the provocation, and yes, some women are evil provocative bitches. But there is always an option to simply walk away."
jackbauer (04 March 2009)
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"Thank you all for your comments. I agree with all your comments. This is sad and there are many complex reasons, women stay with abusive partners, but in my view, these are never good enough reasons to stay with an abusive partner."
tmhogirl (04 March 2009)
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"I dont think it's ever right to stay with someone abusive but i can also understand the fear that holds the victim to the abuser. Abusers are manipulative and cunning and tend to prey on people they regard as weak. Rihanna is sending out messages that this is ok to impressionable young people. "
billie (04 March 2009)
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"Billie, thanks for your comments. I think you are right about the fear, especially fear of the unknown, and the psychology of abusers. Most abused women lack in self esteem caused by the abuse which makes breaking the cycle impossible. They need support, love, information and help to break the cycle. I don't care that Rihanna won't press charges, when you are emotionally involved, it is hard to do so, but to stay with the man is just wrong."
tmhogirl (04 March 2009)
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"Great post!I can understand the cycle that Rihanna and other physically and mentally abused women are stuck in,it is very hard to get out once a man had managed to destroy your selfesteem. In Rihanna's case though,her standing by her man(apparently,they have since got hitched!),does send out the wrong signal to all those impressionable,young fans who sees her as a role model."
yummymummy (06 March 2009)
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"Run Run Run- don't be a punch bag, gyms only. Love is not when you are beaten to pulp or mentally scarred."
serenebeauty (15 April 2009)
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