The Others
By: tmhoblogger (31 July 2009)
So I got dumped by Smart but the world seems to be getting along just fine without any care in the world for the torment and angst in my head. The darkness that has the descended upon me, the pain that feels as if my heart is being torn, very slowly from the very essence of its being. The sleepless nights, the loss of appetite, the sore head, sore eyes, the inability to function.
I have also lost the ability to indulge in chocolates or ice cream, soggy salty take-outs to cheer myself up. Those days are gone. Days like this, I wish I was a smoker or a drinker or someone who had a way to let out steam, to show my angst and my drama. Don't even talk to me about having a good work-out or something to let it all out. I am barely getting enough sleep to function as an adult, to go into work and get on with things without risking immediate dismissal. Don't ask me to put my weary body and soul even through torture, not just yet.
There are a million things I could write about the Blonde, the Toad, the Parents, the Sister, my saint of a brother, all the people around me full of drama but not just yet. Let me wallow in my misery for just a little bit more.
I miss Smart more than I have ever missed anyone or anything in my life. More than I ever missed the Ex. I miss the close friendship we had before we became lovers. I miss the sex as lovers. I miss the acceptance by him of every single bit of my body and soul and all my imperfections and perfections. I miss the dream that we could have gone on to marry, have a family, live happily ever after. He certainly implied several times that that dream could be a possibility for our future.
But even if it wasn't the happily ever after dream, I miss the promises we made to each other at the start that our friendship was worth more than anything else we could have as lovers. The promises we made that should the passion between us wane, that we must return to the easy, warm, flirty, close, accepting, non-judgmental friendship that had defined us for so many years.
But now I have nothing. Or maybe I lie. I have silence. Ear shattering, deafening silence from my ex friend, the guy I loved so deeply, the guy I still love so deeply.
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Comments on this post:
"Give it time, you could still get the friendship. Once he finds a new job and gets back the confidence lost from this climate, he may come back to you. It is your blog, you can write about anything you want, not just the fun times."
andys (31 July 2009)
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"Thank you"
tmhoblogger (31 July 2009)
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"I understand what you mean, grieve and wallow but don't forget that you're loved by all at TMHO and your fans, so here is a huge hug. TS and I are now "friends" and I have chosen to forget and dismiss the promises made because they've been broken and cannot be brought back without changing the terms and conditions (like a contract). Also don't be bitter (it requires more energy) it won't help your sleeping. Hugs and warm wishes, SB"
serenebeauty (03 August 2009)
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"SB, you are very kind, thank you. "
tmhoblogger (03 August 2009)
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